HCM Update: Second Quarter of 2024
We hope this year has been going well for you! We’d like to provide an update about what the HCM Team members have been working on lately, and today seems like an appropriate day to do that. So without further ado…
David (Co-Director): By popular demand, David has decided to take a leave of absence in order to start the Head Uncovering Movement for men, especially aimed at male worship leaders who wear ball caps or beanies while singing to the Lord. He’ll also be focusing on the spiritual issues (non-legalistically, of course) behind men wearing skinny jeans and/or pink ties, but is still searching for proof-text passages to use for that.
Jennifer (Facebook Moderator): At her own invitation, Jennifer has graciously accepted the position of “HCM Matchmaker” for our HCM Facebook Group. Her focus will be on the women and men who just “happen” to casually note that they’re single, usually mentioned somewhere within their first (and second and third) post. Her services are free for the first 3 months, but matches that end in marriage will require a mandatory freewill donation.
Jeremy (Founder): Frankly, Jeremy is kinda tired of talking about head covering after so many years, and has moved on to begin the Foot Washing Movement. This ministry will launch later in the spring, when his fellow Canadians warm up enough to remove their winter boots. In the meantime, he’s been practicing his technique on his wife and kids, as apparently the modern foot is a lot more ticklish than the Israelites’ feet back in Jesus’ day.
Jessica (Co-Director): We are excited to announce that Jessica just started a new clothing brand for dresses-only women who cover. Check out her line of versatile hoodie-dresses, which are appropriate for formal Roman Baptist Orthodox services and also for lounging in front of the fireplace at home. You’ll also love her highly-permeable shower cap, made especially for fully-sanctified Christians who seriously cover “full-time.” For the first time ever, shampoo will be able to touch your hair while you shower.
Joshua (Moderator): Last month, Joshua launched an HCM subsidiary for hardcore Reformed believers. Applicants for membership must recite the complete Westminster Catechism from memory in order to join, and men must have beards at least 6″ long. There’s a 50% chance that the Christian patriarchy contingent will attempt to take over the group and turn the entire Head Covering Movement into a male-only organization.
Debbie (Graphic Designer): Going beyond head covering, Debbie recently began leading a group at her church that promotes proper clothing standards for both men and women. Their “Fashion [that’s] Laughable And Preposterous” Squad (FLAPS) is currently focusing on the issue of wearing socks with sandals. Obviously, sandals were often worn in biblical days, but never with socks! Likewise, anyone seeking to join the Squad must sign a statement that they do not (and will not) leave the house wearing socks with sandals – and will hold others accountable to the same standard.
Other News: We also wanted to share a couple positive updates…
1) The popular Muslim clothing company “Muhammad’s Daughters” recently lost their intellectual property lawsuit against HCM, in which they had attempted to claim that the “Head Covering Movement” was their idea originally.
2) Researcher and archeologist Dr. Harry Head has unearthed new manuscript fragments purporting to be a lost section of 1 Corinthians 11. His findings show there was originally an additional sentence after verse 10, which explained exactly how “the angels” relate to head covering. He agreed to grant HCM exclusive first access to the manuscript.
FREE RESOURCE: Many of you have read Bible studies which teach that head covering was merely an ancient cultural practice. Perhaps you’ve seen the commentary in your church library that says that “long hair” is the only head covering Paul had in mind. Or how about the enlightened Christian self-help book, which gives “head covering” as an example of old-fashioned legalism? Well, we’ve got you covered (no pun intended). Starting next week, HCM will be giving away stickers that say: “You deserve better exegesis. Go to HeadCoveringMovement.com.” Just slap one (or more) of the stickers over whatever heresy you read in your local Christian bookstore or on your pastor’s bookshelf, and you’ll be helping to grow the Movement.
Well, that wraps up this update from the Head Covering Movement team. Remember, if you haven’t yet connected with HCM on Instagram, Facebook, our website, or our email newsletter – now’s a great time. See you around!
– The Team
