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My husband asked me to not cover my head. What should I do?

Head Covering Questions
My husband has asked me to not cover my head. I believe it’s a biblical command that I need to obey but I also know it’s supposed to symbolize my submission to him. What should I do?

This is a very difficult situation. I’d like to present two opposing sides to the argument for your consideration. Then I will offer some practical suggestions for working through this issue.

View #1: Don’t Cover (Follow your Husband)

A head covering in the context of 1 Corinthians 11 is a symbol that you’ve placed yourself under male authority. If you are married, this would be a symbol that you are willingly submitting to your husbands leadership. Since this is what the symbol means, to cover your head while your husband has told you not to, would be a contradiction. All throughout Scripture we see that the principle is more important than the symbol. Jesus was consistently rebuking the Pharisees for dealing with the outward while the inward wasn’t addressed. The same Paul who commanded head covering also said, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Eph 5:24) The wife is not to obey only in issues she agrees with (for that would not be submission), but she is to follow her husbands leadership in all things. While the Scripture does command women to cover their heads, it also commands her to submit to her husband. Therefore it isn’t an issue of whether she should obey God rather than man, but which command of God’s will she obey? The situation is unfortunate but if she obeys her husband in this matter she can rest easy knowing that 1) she is willing to cover and God sees her heart 2) she has chosen the higher principle over the symbol when both could not be obeyed due to the situation being out of her control. God will be seeking an account from your husband for why you were not covered, not from you. When authority is given to someone, it is the person in authority who must give an account (Heb 13:17). The person who is to be in subjection will be called to account for their submission to that authority.

View #2: Cover your Head (Follow Christ)

The highest authority you’re under is not your husband, but God. Jesus affirmed the religious leaders authority when he said, “The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat, so practice and observe whatever they tell you…”. (Mat 23:2-3) However, when the apostles were told by that rightful authority to disobey a command of God they responded “We must obey God rather than men.” (Acts 5:29) Therefore one can be under authority, while still respectfully disobeying if they contradict a command of God. Would you obey your husband if he told you to not read your Bible? Not pray? Not participate in the Lord’s supper, ever? You wouldn’t, right? The grounds for your disobedience would be because God commands you to do said thing. This is no different. While it is a symbol of being under authority, it’s also a command from God regarding how we are to worship Him in the public assembly. It’s instructions about how we are to talk to God (praying) and declare how He’s spoken to us (prophesying). Since the command pertains to our worship of Him it is to be obeyed like any other command He gives.

Practical Suggestions

If you and your husband do not understand head covering the same way, here are some practical suggestions to peacefully work through the difference.

1) Pray: Remember that the Lord is sovereign and has all men’s hearts in His hands. This should give us great confidence especially if there is stubbornness or sin clouding the discussion since only He can change a heart. It is the Lord’s revealed will that there be peace (Heb 12:14), unity (Eph 4:3) and that women should cover (1 Cor 11:5-6). Since that is so, pray with confidence for the Lord to unify your family theologically and for the freedom to cover with your husbands blessing. “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” (1 Jn 5:14)

2) Study with your husband: Ask your husband if you can have an in-depth study on this topic together. Read, discuss and listen to arguments for and against head covering. Accompanied with prayer this may be the means the Lord uses to unify you both.

3) Request the freedom to cover: If after studying the issue together you are still not on the same page, ask him if he’d be willing to give you the freedom to cover. Many God-fearing husbands are understanding and sympathetic to issues that trouble one’s conscience.

4) Request counsel: There is wisdom in a multitude of counsellors (Prov 11:14 ESV). When we’re having marital struggles and disagreements it’s great to be able to talk with other trusted brothers and sisters. Ask your husband if you could have a couple from your church/small group over or sit down with your pastor(s) to discuss the issue. They may be able to see barriers / blind spots that neither are you have been able to see or provide a fresh perspective.

While it is our hope that these practical suggestions will help resolve many differences, it will not for all. If you find yourself in that situation you’ll have to act in accordance with your own conscience. It is before your own Master that you stand or fall (Rom 14:4).

Jeremy Gardiner

Jeremy is the founder of the Head Covering Movement and the author of Head Covering: A Forgotten Christian Practice for Modern Times. He is a member of Fellowship Baptist Church and a student at Moody Bible Institute. He lives in Alberta, Canada with his wife and five young children. Jeremy is also the founder and operator of Gospel eBooks, a popular website that provides alerts for free and discounted Christian e-books.

Latest posts by Jeremy Gardiner (see all)

  • Beth

    If the head covering is symbolic of the submission a wife has toward her husband- what is the point in wearing one if she isn’t being submissive? It would be like being baptized when not saved. Just practicing symbolism for something that isn’t there.

    • Ellie Rae

      I agree with you. I do not think the woman should jump the chain of command over this. If you submit to God over your husband, in cases like this, you’ve missed it (unless, of course, he is telling you to SIN, like commit adultery or do something illegal like steal or do drugs or not give medicine to the baby). The head covering is, like you said, just a symbol, and even Paul in the Bible says a woman “ought” to cover her head, not “must.” So, it is an ideal, not a command. Life is not always ideal. I agree with the author of the blog, though, that she should pray, ask her husband for permission to cover, etc., so this matter can be resolved and she can cover.

  • mhausam

    Beth, I think she would still be being submissive if she wears the covering anyway. Biblical submission to a husband means submission under the authority of God, but it does not include sinning when the husband says so. Disobeying a command to do what God forbids is not showing a lack of submission, and so is not inconsistent with a submissive spirit and practice, and so not incompatible with the meaning of the head covering.

    • David Pendleton

      It sounds like what you are saying is that it would be “sin” for a woman to NOT wear a piece of fabric on her head. Is that what you are saying?

      • Amy Unruh

        I believe it is far more than wifely submission that covering is for. If I’m right and her hair is short, no problem, but if her hair is long and she doesn’t cover her glory in the presence of God the way that the angels cover their glory in the presence of the Lord, could this not be a sin?

        • David Pendleton

          Amy. No. It is not sin if a woman does not cover her head.

          • Amy Unruh

            Why, if it isn’t a sin to know the truth but not follow it, then why would it be a sin to know the truth of submitting to one’s husband and not following that, either?

          • David Pendleton

            My wife knows the truth and follows it. It is a fallacy conclude that Christian women who don’t wear a covering can be put in one of two categories: (1) She knows the truth and does not follow it, or (2) She does not know the truth.

          • Amy Unruh

            That’s not at all what I said. I was making a comparison between knowing the truth on two different things and not following it. Not knowing the truth never even factored into what I said.
            Besides, I think your wife does know the truth. She wanted to cover. You persuaded her otherwise. I’ve seen some of your arguments, but I’ve also seen the evidence of those easily refuted, at least in my opinion, simply by following early church history.

          • David Pendleton

            Actually my wife knows the truth and consequently has never seen the need to wear a piece of fabric on her head. I’m sorry that I didn’t make that more clear in prior comments.

          • Amy Unruh

            Actually, I stated, “Besides, I think your wife does know the truth. She wanted to cover.” These are two separate statements. One does not necessarily modify the other. If I’d said, “Besides, I think your wife does know the truth and therefore wanted to cover,” then your rebuttal would apply.
            If your wife never wanted to cover and never felt it applicable to cover, then why did she ask the question stated as the title for this article?

            I also never stated that you or she flippantly threw out a command of God. Please stop assuming something I don’t mean. I think you genuinely don’t believe the argument for it. It’s hard for me to understand that after having looked at all of the evidence for and against, but that’s your opinion and understanding. So, flippantly throwing it out simply wouldn’t apply to you. Going off of the assumption (yes, I did assume in this case based on the question that inspired the article) that your wife did want to cover, I also wouldn’t think she flippantly threw out a command of God.

            Here is what I do think, though, and perhaps I’ll change my mind when you clarify–It seems that your wife wanted to cover and you flippantly disregarded her desire to do so because you didn’t believe in it and/or didn’t want her to wear a piece of cloth on her head that would cover her pretty hair and/or make her look dowdy/unusual/weird/religious/legalistic, etc.

          • David Pendleton

            Hmmm. Thanks for the clarification, Amy. It certainly looked to me that you were connecting those two statements, especially since your third sentence was: “You persuaded her otherwise.” It looked to me like you were trying to say, “She knows the truth and is wanting to follow it and you, David, are trying to persuade her from doing so.” At any rate, I appreciate your clarification.

            Incidentally, she never asked the question stated as the title for this article. What made you think she did?

          • Amy Unruh

            It was directed at you, and the reason I assumed she asked the question is because you stated earlier that you were the husband the article is speaking about.

          • David Pendleton

            Two years ago when I was engaged in a conversation with someone named Beth in this comment thread I wrote: “By the way, I am the husband described in this scenario. I do not want my wife to wear her hair up and covered with a piece of fabric.” I didn’t mean to imply that my wife wanted to wear a piece of fabric on her head. I was merely describing my view. Namely that I do not want my wife to wear her hair up and covered with a piece of fabric. It is not biblically necessary for her to do so.

            This website was brought to my attention by a friend of mine who believes it is appropriate to make a piece of fabric on a woman’s head a test of fellowship. He believes that if a woman does not wear a piece of fabric on her head she should be disfellowshipped from the Church. He does not (and will not) be a member of a church unless all the female members of the church wear a piece of fabric on their heads. He believes that women who don’t wear a piece of fabric on their heads are either rebellious against God and His Word or ignorant of the Truth. Either way he will not be “in fellowship” with any woman that does not wear a piece of fabric on her head. Since he brought this website to my attention I have posted a few comments here and there on this site. I do try to respond to questions directed at me.

          • Corinne L.

            Amy…I haven’t yet read all of this exchange between you and David Pendleton…just now found this conversation. It seems to me that you are challenging him quite directly. This is a man who has his own home. Why are you telling him what he and his wife should, or should not, be doing? At this point, IMHO, it really doesn’t matter who has what position; i.e., why are YOU, a woman, challenging a married man about HIS wife and exactly what it is that she does or does not know and why she is doing what she is doing? I think you’re out of line. Again, IMHO. Believe me, if one of my/our Christian female friends talked to my husband like that, especially in my absence, both he and I would have a serious issue with her, and we’d probably not be as gracious as Mr. Pendleton has been.

          • Corinne L.

            PS: I grew up in a covering church where ALL the female members, including even younger teens, covered, and used a specific type of “regulation” covering. No deviation from the basic black style, width, and length (not ‘kerchief’ style). Never mind that it did not fully cover the hair–not even close. Just saying I’ve heard it all sides for more than 60 years.

          • David Pendleton

            Also there is an implication embedded in statements like: “Besides, I think your wife does know the truth. She wanted to cover.” The implication in that statement is “If a woman knows the truth she will WANT to cover and if she doesn’t know the truth she will see no need to cover. With respect to my wife, she knows the truth and she sees no need to wear a piece of fabric on her head.

          • Kay

            The practices of the early believers are good for reference, but shouldn’t be considered as truth unless fully grounded in the Scriptures.

            I cover, but I am continuing to study the topic.

    • David Pendleton

      By the way, I am the husband described in this scenario. I do not want my wife to wear her hair up and covered with a piece of fabric. If she did, then that would put enmity between her and I. If my wife wore a covering then it would not be a symbol of her submission to her husband but rather an emblem of her rebellion against me as her husband. Furthermore, by asking my wife to not wear a covering I am not asking her to do something that God forbids.

      • Beth

        I sympathize with you and your wife on this. We have a bit of this in our home. My father I think is secretly in favor of it (not totally sure) but doesn’t want to make a big to do about it. My Mom is against it- it reminds her of her legalistic/abusive upbringing. And my sisters are also vehemenantly against it. They are teenagers and don’t really care for any kind of restrictions. I am the only one who where one and only do it because I have Dad’s blessing. For years I thought headcoverings were right, but Dad viewed them as a cultural thing. Now that he claims to be nuetral, and has told us to do what we think is right, I have started wearing one. But would stop of my Dad, or someday my husband, every told me they specifically didn’t want me doing it. Praying for peace and agreement for you two.

        • David Pendleton

          Thank you, Beth. By the way, there is peace and agreement between my wife and I on this. That is because my wife is an incredibly godly woman. She recognizes that if she wore a piece of fabric on her head then she would be in disobedience to God. If she did that she would be in sin. She recognizes that there is great blessing in obeying God and His Word, and the fruit of that is evident not only in her life, but also in our marriage.

  • Renee

    I really agree with the “Practical Suggestions.” I know of women, whose husbands are unbelievers or backsliders, and yet are willing to allow their wives to attend church (just not themselves). It is a rough situation, nonetheless. Prayer is indeed a mighty aide in such situations. I am thankful that God led my husband in this matter of me wearing the covering, rather than me leading the issue. I don’t know what it would have been like, had it been the other way around. Praying for my sisters in the faith who are struggling with this issue!

  • Melissa Bishop

    One of the aspects of head covering is to honor the headship of God’s
    government. Part of that headship is my husband. To cover when he asks
    me not to is just as rebellious as it is if I were to refuse to cover
    when he asks it of me. Even when it comes to following scripture, if a
    Christian woman goes against her husband, she is in rebellion. Not jut
    against her husband, but against, God even if she is saying yes to, God
    she is rebelling against her husband if her husband said, ‘no’. “Wives,
    likewise, be submissive to your own husband.” 1 Peter 3:1 To go against
    your husband even when doing something scriptural results in tension in
    the marriage. God knows what is going on. He knows that soft wins over
    more than hard, hard being rebellion. I’m stunned, but not surprised at
    what you wrote under View #2. Yes, if my husband told me not to take
    communion or tithe or do anything church related, as a Christian woman I
    would do as he requested, all the while praying that the Lord would
    soften my husband’s heart in these matters and let the Lord take over in
    that situation. When the lord is in control, it all works out to His
    glory. when a wife tries to ‘lead’ her husband by rebelling against his
    authority, it can cause her husband to dig his heels in just to make
    sure his will is being followed so that he can save face.

    husband may say, ‘no’ to head covering out of embarrassment that he did
    not discover it first and did not lead his wife to the conclusion he
    should cover. Or he may still be in the world and not understand its
    importance. There are numerous and varied reasons why a husband might
    say no to his wife covering. No matter what the reason, she needs to do
    what he asks until such a time as the Lord has dealt with whatever is in
    the husbands heart.

    1 Peter 3:1-7

    New International Version (NIV)
    Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that,
    if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without
    words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and
    reverence of your lives.

    • Amy Unruh

      Oh how I’m so thankful that my husband wishes me to do what I feel I should do. He didn’t particularly like covering at first, but now he doesn’t mind it at all. He says I’m beautiful no matter what. I just have a hard time figuring out why a man would have any issue with it.

  • Matthew Clarke

    She should cover.

    Paul does not specifically mention submission to the husband in 1 Corinthians 11. The headcovering reflects that indirectly, but it is only part of the picture.

    A woman is required to submit to her husband in rightful things, but that is not the reason for covering that Paul gives for the covering. It is about the authority within the entire created order not just the family.

  • Vaughn Ohlman

    Two issues that seem left out:
    1) Why does the husband asks this. It seems his reason might affect the woman’s response.
    2) What is the view of the elders of the church? Would a failure to head cover violate the order of the church?
    Just more issues for the mix.

  • Wendy Babiak

    I cover my head, but it is not a symbol of my subjection to my husband. My husband and I are equals, in truth and in the eyes of God. Covering is a sign of my obedience to GOD. I am subject to divine authority, not male authority. This entire site is riddled with chauvinistic heresy.

    • Kay

      The marriage relationship is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and the Church as well. Christ is God, yet submitted to the Father’s will. Does that make him less important? Women are to submit to their husbands, as unto Christ. Men are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. Would the Church declare they are not in submission to Christ? I believe that covering in faith, towards God, includes all aspects of submission and obedience given to the Church. It’s a outward expression (of an inward attitude, hopefully) that we submit to any authority that is God-given.

      • Amy Unruh

        The Amish believe the translation about the woman having a symbol of power on her head. I’ve heard that many of the men are sometimes envious of the women’s prayer caps and see it as a wonderful gift for the woman.

    • George Luke

      Sister, I’m working on understanding this too. As an aspiring pastor, I want to affirm the full participation of my sisters in Christ with me (Gal 3:28), but I also want to represent Christ and the Father (1 Cor 11:3), and the Church and the Christ (Eph 5:22-26) in their proper relations through the realities we portray.

      Submission to your husband out of faith in God’s Word is submission to Christ- they’re not two divorced ends.

  • Sara June Thompson

    This is a very hard one. I was scared spitless to talk to my husband about this. He already barely puts up with my long skirts, would prefer I wear skimpy tight jeans I don’t wear. He did agree to hats but does not at all like the scarves or veils or anything like that. And some types of hats he seems to be ok with; some he really hates. He does not like the very wide fabric headbands but seems ok with the more narrow ones. Perhaps talk about different types of things you could use to cover and find something he could put up with.

    • Sara June Thompson

      I should mention, that as I have started to wear hats to church and Bible study groups, and to wear fabric headbands as much as possible for everyday, it does remind me to submit. I find it causes me to stop before saying that word that might be unsubmissive when I feel the object on my head reminding me to be submissive. I think most husbands would like that. Perhaps that is a way to approach it if he is still unwilling, “this will help me be more submissive to you”.

    • Kay

      It would be hard if your husband didn’t agree. My own husband really didn’t like “modest” clothing when I first felt convicted to dress differently, and more feminine. Even before I decided it was the Lord’s mind that I wear clothes that were decidedly feminine and modest, (I am not against certain styles of “pants.”), I dressed more modestly than my husband preferred. (this was 15+ years ago) However; looking back, he is very thankful that I have always been somewhat modest, and really appreciates that aspect of trust in our marriage, even though at the time, he didn’t care for it.

      As far as the covering goes, while I wear a covering mostly full-time, I love to wear it down for my husband, and around the house at times as well. I believe the context of Paul’s writing does not limit covering to assembly meetings, but I also don’t believe there is *any admonition to cover all the time either. I teach my children, pray throughout the day, so I cover at home, or when gathered with other believers for worship or teaching. I don’t feel that I am disobedient to *not cover in any given situation, unless it is for worship, or I am leading a discussion or teaching on Scripture.

      Truthfully, if I woke up tomorrow and had a clear conviction that covering was not taught in this passage, I would have a hard time giving it up, and would cover for other reasons probably. I like the simplicity of it. I can still feel pretty, without nearly the work it takes to “do” my hair. (and I agree, it reminds me to be submissive, although as the years have passed, it does so less, because I forget it’s there)

      I think often spouses don’t like the other being more convicted than they are about anything in Scripture. When they see you taking a direction that strains the “yoke” you are bound together with, they don’t like it. (women or men) The stronger person will lead, or the team will falter, struggle, or break apart. It’s touchy for women, because we tend to want to let our husbands lead. I would suggest, that if there is *any chance to submit to an unbelieving husband, or a husband who isn’t seeking the Lord’s direction for his family, you should submit as much as you can. Women are given a promise that a husband can be brought around by our behavior. (and it isn’t nagging, haha!) Men don’t have that promise, which always perplexed me.

      Sorry to write a book, but I want to encourage you *not to make this admonition in Scripture a point of contention in your marriage. If you believe you are gaining God’s approval, yet your marriage is on tender hooks, walk away from that form of “pleasing God,” for it is your own sense of religiosity you are probably pleasing. There is a fine line between being obedient to Scripture in humility, and being prideful of being obedient. The latter is much more common, and it’s the humility that does the work within us that pleases God. Not the conformity to any directive given, even if it’s in the NT.

      (as always, my own understanding of course….)

  • Callie Walsh

    I was taught head covering growing up but it was VERY legalistic and completely unbiblical how it was done: to show off and not as a sign of submission. As I got older I started to question to myself why head covering as a sign of submission is taught in Corinthians but only submission is taught elsewhere so I got studying. When you look at what is going on in Corinth at the time of Paul’s writing you soon see why it was needed culturally there but not so much in other places.

    So many women are taught View #2 but View #2 is NOT SUBMISSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Submission is “ducking so God can deal with your husband”! We are responsible to submit to those in authority over us but Acts 5:29 does not apply to head coverings; Acts 5:29 would apply if we are ordered not to pray but not here! We, as born again women, have to give account of how we obeyed authority and our husbands have to answer for how they lead us. Luke 12:48 – the more responsibility we have the more we will have to answer for our choices-

    If you follow the thinking laid out in view #2 you do not believe and trust in God’s power. If/ when your husband asks something of you that you do not agree with, whether he is saved or not, PRAY! I know a woman who was saved but her husband was not and he demanded she go to dances with him and she not attend church and much more. She always submitted with a loving attitude but so, so, SO much prayer. In almost 20 years she never attended a dance or missed a service so long as she trusted the Lord! God ALWAYS worked things out that she was never in a compromising position and in the end her submission and willingness to always obey her ungodly husband broke him and he got saved!!!

    Trust God and He WILL work everything out! He tests us (sometimes I feel like He and I are playing ‘chicken’ to see who blinks first!) but when we trust in Him and stick to obeying Him, He will never fail us!

    • Hi Callie, I just wanted to make a comment on your first point only. In 1 Cor 11:16 it says that head covering was not the practice of Corinth only, but of every single church. More on that here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsubZywqOeU

      If you’re interested in knowing why we reject the cultural view, we wrote about that here: http://www.headcoveringmovement.com/articles/is-head-covering-cultural-what-about-the-corinthian-prostitutes

      Thanks for the comment.

      • Callie Walsh

        Ok? But why are head coverings only brought up in Corinthians? I know that some of the epistles were passed around but that does not explain the complete silence elsewhere.

        The thing is though: Paul says it is wrong for a woman to pray etc in a service uncovered but just a few chapters later he says women are to keep silent… The two (covering and silence) do not seem to go hand in hand…

        • Well, he says “I want you to understand” (v3) so there was a lack of understanding regarding this teaching in Corinth and also there was probably some people taking issue with it too since he talks to “contentious” people (v16). So he may have only dealt with it once because 1) maybe only they asked him about it 2) maybe only Corinth was in need of extra teaching on this topic or 3) only they had contentious people who were being vocal about their objection to this symbol.

          It’s also worth noting that the Apostle Paul only deals with the Lord’s Supper in the one letter also. We wrote more about this under the heading “Only mentioned once” here: http://www.headcoveringmovement.com/articles/is-head-covering-majoring-in-the-minors-is-it-a-distraction

          For 1 Cor 14 there are multiple ways to harmonize them. Currently I’m recommending people check out the following D.A. Carson article as he not only gives a good potential option but lists the other views if you think his view is wrong: https://bible.org/seriespage/6-silent-churches-role-women-1-corinthians-1433b-36

        • Amy Unruh

          Why would women only pray out loud? Prophesying could have been in reference to just talking to another woman about scripture. I believe they weren’t to call out and ask questions to disrupt the service, but once the assembly broke up, I don’t see why they wouldn’t talk about it, and I’ve basically heard prophesying can be simply speaking the truth of God’s Word. And while the instruction on head coverings is only in Corinthians, it is not the only place in the Bible to speak of veiling the head. Rebecca did so when she first saw Isaac and found out he was the man to be her husband.

    • Sara June Thompson

      I think both views are valid. A lot depends on how “compulsory” you view the teaching on head covering to be. If you feel that it would be sin to not cover in a certain situation, you can respectfully tell your dh that. Whereas if you felt it optional you would be more inclined to just submit to your dh. But even better than that is communication. Talk to your dh, find out if there is a compromise he can agree to as to what type of covering, how much it covers, when it is worn, etc. The thinnest of headbands worn to church in submission to a dh is probably better than a hijab worn against his express wishes imo. God bless.

    • Mama

      Thank you, I found your posting very helpful and will study more about what the bible says about submission.

  • Mama

    What about a husband who is not into reading the Bible, praying together, ect… The ideas are great for many christian households but if your husband just ‘goes to church’ and that is as far as he will step then what does a women do? Obviously I do not want to make him uncomfortable or put something between us that could grown into more distance as time passes – as we have young children and I not not think divorce over this matter is what Paul or Jesus is saying. What does a women do in that situation (other then praying, because I have been doing that!)?

    • I can’t believe that I didn’t see this post earlier or I would have responded to it. So please forgive me for such a late reply. I think that as long as you see your husband as your primary leader and not God Himself, he’ll come up short. It’s a role that’s been assigned to him by ‘man’ but not necessarily by God. I guess people see complementarianism working in situations where a man is naturally a leader and the woman is a natural follower, but as you may know, quite a few of us don’t fall along those lines. So when a husband doesn’t lead, is it because he’s not doing his God-ordained duty? or is it possible it was never his job to begin with? Jesus said ‘not so among you’ when it came to exercising authority. I think He was speaking to us about only controlling ourselves, not trying to control others. I had to seriously study both the complementarian and egalitarian sides before I could come to any kind of peaceful solution about this. It’d be a good place to start.

      Compelmentarian side: http://cbmw.org/ – Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

      Egalitarian side: http://www.cbeinternational.org/resource/journal/current – Christians for Biblical Equality

      I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.

    • Amy Frank

      I was once a member of a head covering group and one lady started covering and her husband actually started beating her. I asked her was she covering before she married and she said no. So I think it is very hard on a man that married a woman that he liked just as she was and then later have her change. That is why I think it is very important to be wise in the choice of a husband. But also some ladies were not Christian before they married and then I think what you have is prayer. Also, there are may kinds of head covers. Some ladies only wear a head band. They have many kinds of headbands right at Walmart. You might get away with wearing a head band. That might be the best you can do until the Lord touches your husbands heart. I will keep you in prayer sister.

  • Erwin Alber

    “All authority is evil.”

    J Krishnamurti

    I give an example:

    Based on much research, I have arrived at the conclusion that vaccines are ineffective and dangerous. If I was a woman I would keep any child of mine vaccine-free, and absolutely not allow my child or children to be injected even if my husband was adamant that his child or children should be vaccinated. We should never go against our conscience even if it conflicts with some authority or authority figure because to do so would mean that we are not free, but a slave.

    • Hi Erwin, I do think that quotation is anti-biblical. God has established authority in the home, the church, and the government. Because it is God-ordained it is good.

      Here’s one example from Romans 13:1-2:

      Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.

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